Tuesday, 19 March 2013

New thinspo

126.6lbs this morning... I really liked it! Almost there!!!

Not eating is getting easier, around will it's hard, he obviously wants to eat and I'm 'fixed' to him ... So happy smiles and eat away with him.

Obviously I still get hungry so I decide... Ok ill go make food myself. I don't have so much of a battle as before which is soooo nice. But I'm loving the weightless. Loving people notice.

Just need skinnier

Check out Diana Melison
Peeerffecccttttttt - wish I was her... Watch her YouTube videos all the time to keep motivated

Hope your all doing ok

-love C

Wednesday, 13 March 2013


Im Sad 
Im Unhappy
Im Scared

All i want to do is go to my mummy and cry in her Arms. 

Nothing is working out for me. 

My boyfriend is struggling with me because hes stressing over money

I have none. 

He has none because he is having to pay for everything

I need help
I want to treat him
I need to treat hiim

Show him that he is appreciated
But how can you do this with no money

All this stress is killing me - Making me starve myself

All this stress is killing him

Putting a very big toll on the relationship
I want us to be back to perfect
When he is happy im happy

But how can we be happy?
Unless i come into a VERY big lump of money! 

- A very depressed C


Monday, 18 February 2013

My Explanation

So I thought i owed you all an explanation as to where i have been.. 

I keep getting little email notifications of comments left on here, so i still get them and i still read them. 

The Man and i are still living on Cloud nine, But with my decision to finally tell my secret came a price. 

That price was that i cant keep doing what i was without having a ball and chain ear ache. 
It was alot easier than i thought with having him LOVE every single thing about me. 

He may not constantly say he loves me or that he thinks im amazing bla bla, but as soon as he goes out with the guys or i go out etc thats when i need it most and thats when i get it without asking 'Do you Love me?' 

Hes perfect for me. and so in return i want to be perfect for him. 
No i dont stuff my face with chocolate.
Not i dont eat Mcdonalds everyday
I still eat small portions, 
I still try to skip on meals but i eat enough to maintain. 

Unfortunatly i have a Ganglion Cyst in my foot so im not allowed to do exercise or run about etc so i had to momentarily hold on the gym. 
Trust me i hate it. 

So my weight varies day to day as im loosing the muscle and its turning into the fat. So my weight may still be 130lbs but in my mind im looking bigger. 

I hope that you are all doing well. 

I still have my ultimate goal of 125lbs and i will get there. 

ONLY 5lbs away 

i went from a high bmi to on the verge of unhealthy/healthy. 
18.5bmi and my god it feels good. 

I just dont look unhealthy. 

I WANT people to see me and think OMG she must have so much self control. 
Not 'oh you cant tell she eats mcdonalds!'

Ill try and post every so often. 
I just feel like im doing something really naughty now by continuing to write. 

Missing you girls 

Love C

Wednesday, 28 November 2012

Award and Nominations

So firstly thanks to Gabrielle and  Little Jo for nominating me. So my answers to their questions are below but first 11 things about me:

 1) I never ever want to get out of bed in the morning and i will fight it even if im fully recharged and im not an inch tired. 
2) My biggest fear is needles and ive beeen having to go for lots recently due to having a ganglion cyst in my foot which im having to have steriods pumped into it to break down the nerve.
3) i have struggled with my weight and whenever i look in the mirror i dont see thin and perfect i see fat and unperfect.
4) i am addicted to SF Monster and even though i know its the worse thing for me i cant stop because drinking it while eating i have found that it burns off the calories quicker which makes me maintain rather than gain
5) After finally telling someone about my secret i have levelled with myself to maintain at 130lbs and make sure i keep up eating to stop me getting moodey and grouchy due to lack of food for the sake of my relationship with him. 
6) The relationship im in now is the best relationship ive been in and yes ive had boyfriends before but this one has gone extremly quick and yes we ar living together after being in a relationship after 4 months but ive never loved someone as much as i love Will. Ive never wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone but the thought of not having him there honestly scares me. Hes the only person ive told about this secret and hes enough to make me get a hold on it. Hes there for me and not telling me to stop or carry on. Hes perfect for me.
7) im double jointed. But due to having shitty bones all they do is come out of their sockets and cause me lots of pain. 
8) I think myself of a nice person who will be there for anyone if asked and i will always do anything i can to make sure other people are happy over my own happiness. 
9)  Ive never kept up with current music trends. I listen to what i listen to and the best songs are the old school ones 
10) Cosy nights iin under a blanket on the sofa watching a film are the best <3
11) right now things are starting to look OK.

1.   What is your favorite thing about yourself?
My face, Not because I think myself pretty or anything but my cheekbones, since losing the weight they show and it just makes me feel better seeing them knowing I no longer have that round face.
2.    If you could remove all calories from one food, which one would it be?
I would remove all the calories from sausage rolls I LOVE them.
3.  Share your three ultimate thinspo things. (Legs, ribs?)
Concave legs, Spine showing and collar bones.
4.   Share your three best weight loss tips.
Drinking 2 litres of water EVERYDAY. No Food 4 hours before bed, Keep the calories low.
5.     What is your favorite exercise?
Elliptical J even though I cant do any exercise atm due to my cyst in my foot.
6.   When was the last time you looked in the mirror and felt good?
When I was younger going through the same thing and had the lowest bmi and not one inch of fat on me.
7.     Do you have any animals?
I have two dwarf hamsters which are boring and just attack me everytime I try to touch them.
8.      What is your favorite country?
Tioman Island off of Malaysia. White sand, Clear water, And just in general so relaxing and basic.
9.      How often do you post? - Do you think it's too often or not enough?
I used to post religiously ever single day but lately ive had to make a decision and pick between one or the other so I haven’t been posting much atall.
10.  what is your favorite sports?
I don’t really play sport, but if I was back in school I always enjoyed rounders if that counts?
11.  I you would have one wish in the world come true, what would it be?
That I could be skinny and happy forever.

1.       What did you want to be when you were little?
I always dreamed of being a marine biologist so that I could swim with dolphins everyday.
2.       What outfit are you wearing right now?
Skinny Jeans, Black strapless top a cardigan and a jumper (it’s very cold)
3.       Father or mother?
Mother, Nothing beats a mum hug when you need it and you know that it will always be there even if you don’t live with her anymore. I know ive driven all the way to her house just to get one.
4.       Dog or a cat person?
Deffinitly dog, They cuddle up with you more and you can do more with them.
5.       If you could have a dinner party with five famous people, alive or dead, who would they be, and why?
Robert pattinson – Who wouldn’t want the twilight superstar to dinner..
Jonny Knoxville – He us just plain amazing. Always good to watch when you need cheering up.
Brad Pitt ß-do I need to explain why???
Meg Ryan – I Just LOVE HER
Britney Murphey- She was always in all of my favourite films and
6.       Describe yourself this year in three words.
Strong, Ambitious, control
7. Do you remember your childhood as: a) traumatic, b) blissful, or c) conventional?
B) I had a pretty easy childhood. Nothing bad really happened until I grew up. When your younger the only problems you have is not wanting to share your toy! What I woulod give to go back.
8. If tomorrow, you had to pick between taking a pill that would make you forever thin, or a pill that would make you forever happy, which pill would you take?
Isnt this a trick question? Because being forever thin would make me forever happy. But like I will explain in my next post about my situation currently in my next post.
9. Your earliest memory?
Playing dress up with my brother and sister and running around the house like carefree kids.
10. Who do you miss at this moment in time?
I miss my best friend who has always been there for me but she’s in the army and is based over in Germany so I don’t get to see her often at all.
11. Who do you adore the most today?
I adore my boyfriend who I am 100% completely and utterly in love with and I couldn’t possibly imagine being without him.

My 11 nominies are: 


My Questions for you are :
1)When are you the happiest?
2)  If you could change 3 things about you, what would they be?
3) If you could be an animal, what would it be and why?
4) What made you start writing a blog?
5) What is your biggest fear?
6) What are you addicted to?
7) What outfit makes you feel the most comfortable with yourself?
8) What is your best memory?
9)Night in or night out?
10) What is your perfect idea of a date?
11) what will make you happy?

-Lots of love C


Wednesday, 24 October 2012

Wishes and dreams

To have the 'gaunt look' 
To sit up and just have one skin roll ... Not fat
To lie down and be able to see straight down your pants as your hips bones stick out so much
To be able to see the whole of your spine when you bend forward
To see your ribs on your back. 
To be able to see the full length of your collar bone
To have your chest bones showing
To have that flat stomach
To have that gap between your legs.
To wear those size 8 shorts and for them to look to big

To have that hunger pang that means your not bloated
To have that pang that means your on  the right lines
to have that pang that means your getting thinner
to have that pang that means you will get your goal

For the girls to be jealous
for the guys to want you to be thiers
For everyone to see the control you have
For everyone to see your strong

9 hours awake today. 
0 cals consumed

I will get what i want.

Friday, 28 September 2012


So i havent wanted to post due to the weight... 

Im up to 135lbs

Mcdonalds at 3am last night. But im not going to eat poorly any more im actually fed up of all the mcdonalds and fast food. 

Ill make a mini pack dinner? for Tills on saturday so when 2/3am rolls around ill have a nibble on a healthy sandwich rather than chips and nuggets. 

Need to get on drinking lots more water, Only drinking energy drinks is going to dooooo sooooo much damage. 

im eating more than i used to at work aswell

i use to be able to not be hungry off an apple ... JUST ONE APPLE> 

Now i need alot more than that. 
Need to train my body to live off no food;. 

I was reading one of your blogs 
(im hungover and brain isnt working so cant rememeber)
And it was how tehre 133 wanting to get to 126 but it being 'too' skinny. 
Well i want to get to 126 and that will put my bmi to 17.8

9lbs difference ... Not really much. 

And im bouncing from 135 to 133lbs. 
133lb when i dont junk out.....

so really i dont know what difference im going to see from now and 126lbs :/ i still have big things in images, big arms big everything 
I want to be one of those skinny skinny girls

I want people to go yeah shes skinny. 

My friend accidently bought a ton of the same underwear and so shes giving me 2 pairs. There a s/p which is a size 8 and i felt like she was thinking 'your sooo not going to fit into these'

Because i dont look like id fit into a sixe 8 atallll~!! !! 

I want to be skiiny, i dont want a bloated belly, i dont want these huge thighs i want tiny arms with no bingo wings, i dont want that back fat i dont want that double chin. 
I want to be skin and bones

Is that too much to ask for?

Love C 

Monday, 17 September 2012

Keeping My Promise

So im keeping my promise that i would upload a picture.

I know im not usally one to blur out my face etc but its got W in it and so thought it best! 

The image is awfull and you cant really see the outfit soo tonight im going to get myself into it and take a picture of it on my camera and upload it for you. So you will either get it this afternoon or early morning :) 

my weight is slowly going up and i need it to go down. 

My card has declined from being sooo far into my overdraft (i dont have an overdraft or limit) that they have actually said enough! 


So cant afford food petrol anything sooooo my weight should platuea for a day or two getting used to being back into starvation mode and then it will start to go down again. 

Im getting back into the gym now. I WILL go tonight. Got my friend whos going to join me so thats a bit of extra motivation! 
Im now working 3 jobs as of the 1st october to try and pay for stuff. These other two are two days each both cash in hand so it will give me about 100 a week cash. 
But that will mean my october month is fine but then my hours go down at my main job so ill be working that 3 days -_- 
So ill have to get the babysitting an extra day. Make my wage go up a bit more as im soo busy and im in demand from the children. (What can i say kids love me....Shame i really cant stand these two kids)
And fingers crossed the nightclub gets a third night also that i can work on tills with or something. That would be reallly good. 
My addiction to energy drinks isnt going anywhere soon. 
I have to have atleast 1 can of energy drink to feel fine in the mornign otherwise i will be rocking what feels like a hangover untill i have one. 2 days of thinking i had a hangover untill i crached open a can of SF Monster. 3 sips in, headache had gone. I no longer felt like i was going to crash or be sickl. I instantly felt £1000000 pounds.
Now to get that much money! 
Will try and post pictures later. 
Love to you alll <3