RANT.

So i havent wanted to post due to the weight... 

Im up to 135lbs

Mcdonalds at 3am last night. But im not going to eat poorly any more im actually fed up of all the mcdonalds and fast food. 

Ill make a mini pack dinner? for Tills on saturday so when 2/3am rolls around ill have a nibble on a healthy sandwich rather than chips and nuggets. 

Need to get on drinking lots more water, Only drinking energy drinks is going to dooooo sooooo much damage. 

im eating more than i used to at work aswell

i use to be able to not be hungry off an apple ... JUST ONE APPLE> 

Now i need alot more than that. 

Need to train my body to live off no food;. 

I was reading one of your blogs 

(im hungover and brain isnt working so cant rememeber)

And it was how tehre 133 wanting to get to 126 but it being 'too' skinny. 

Well i want to get to 126 and that will put my bmi to 17.8

9lbs difference ... Not really much. 

And im bouncing from 135 to 133lbs. 

133lb when i dont junk out.....

so really i dont know what difference im going to see from now and 126lbs :/ i still have big things in images, big arms big everything 

I want to be one of those skinny skinny girls

I want people to go yeah shes skinny. 

My friend accidently bought a ton of the same underwear and so shes giving me 2 pairs. There a s/p which is a size 8 and i felt like she was thinking 'your sooo not going to fit into these'

Because i dont look like id fit into a sixe 8 atallll~!! !! 

I want to be skiiny, i dont want a bloated belly, i dont want these huge thighs i want tiny arms with no bingo wings, i dont want that back fat i dont want that double chin. 

I want to be skin and bones

<3

Is that too much to ask for?

Love C 

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Keeping My Promise

So im keeping my promise that i would upload a picture.

I know im not usally one to blur out my face etc but its got W in it and so thought it best! 

The image is awfull and you cant really see the outfit soo tonight im going to get myself into it and take a picture of it on my camera and upload it for you. So you will either get it this afternoon or early morning :) 

my weight is slowly going up and i need it to go down. 

BUT

My card has declined from being sooo far into my overdraft (i dont have an overdraft or limit) that they have actually said enough! 

Ooopps

So cant afford food petrol anything sooooo my weight should platuea for a day or two getting used to being back into starvation mode and then it will start to go down again. 

Im getting back into the gym now. I WILL go tonight. Got my friend whos going to join me so thats a bit of extra motivation! 

 

Im now working 3 jobs as of the 1st october to try and pay for stuff. These other two are two days each both cash in hand so it will give me about 100 a week cash. 

 

But that will mean my october month is fine but then my hours go down at my main job so ill be working that 3 days -_- 

 

So ill have to get the babysitting an extra day. Make my wage go up a bit more as im soo busy and im in demand from the children. (What can i say kids love me....Shame i really cant stand these two kids)

 

And fingers crossed the nightclub gets a third night also that i can work on tills with or something. That would be reallly good. 

 

My addiction to energy drinks isnt going anywhere soon. 

I have to have atleast 1 can of energy drink to feel fine in the mornign otherwise i will be rocking what feels like a hangover untill i have one. 2 days of thinking i had a hangover untill i crached open a can of SF Monster. 3 sips in, headache had gone. I no longer felt like i was going to crash or be sickl. I instantly felt £1000000 pounds.

 

Now to get that much money! 

 

Will try and post pictures later. 

 

Love to you alll <3

 

-C

 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Too Happy

134lbs

Travelled down to Windsor again last night. 

Last time ill be doing that trip - Just think of the petrol ill save! 

stopped off at the services and got a ham and cheese pastie.....I DONT EVEN LIKE THEM. 

Will was sooooooo perfect last night. 

Going on about how i was the best looking girl there and how it hasnt sunk in that im his girlfriend because its too good to be true. 

I dont know why he thinks he doesnt deserve me etc etc. Hes soooo much better than me. 

He's in general a better person, better looking, better job, better at everything. 

I want him soooo much. 

SO back to the main topic - FOOD

Im eating far to much/little of it. 

Im living off SF Relentless and a bag of crisps for lunch 

go home and if i eat its either something so small like a sandwich or Will and i will go big and have realllly unhealthy food. 

Like yesterday big bar of galaxy between us and a mcdonalds! 

i need to get back to my 500cals a day and exercise. 

5'10.5 and 134lbs 

BMI: 19.0

I want a bmi of 18.5 so i need to loooose 3-4lbs

I still have fat on me, its starting to go on my bellly. 

OOOooooo i wore the Unitard last night. 

When the pictures from the night go up ill post one even though i dont think its a full length.... 

If not ill take a piccy in it....

Hope your alll doing well. 

Lots of Love

- C

xxxxxxxx

Back bra fat

Goodmorning Bloggers

Ive recently done some asos shopping but really worried. 

I was out in Windsor shopping 

(are you seeing a pattern here? Im a shopperholic)
anyway - I was out shopping for a new outfit to go out that night (bearing in mind im already in debt)

Found a ton of really nice playsuits and dresses etc. 

Size 10 are too big and look silly, yet size 8's are just a little tooo tight on my belly

I am sooooo bloated latly due to eating crap - 135lbs

OOOO and im official with Will

:D

Said  to him im going back to the gym so he will have to be bored at my house a little bit longer as i leave him home alone while i come to work..

But he wants to come with me - Im ok with this, All i do is the elliptical so not toooo bothered. cant do anything else due to my cyst in my foot. 

So back to the main point of this blog - i wonder off way too easily.

I bought this: 

 

Got it in a size 8 as i thought you want it to be tight etc and when i buy leggings i get a 8 so figers crossed it fits. 

But im really worried that im going to have back overhang over all of the straps on the back. 

And i dont know what to do about a bra as im not flat chested like the woman in the picture - Im a 32DD and the gell stick on backless bra's only go to a D -_-

I should start a fashion blog of all the outfits i buy. and shove together. Im going out enough. 

Might do that when i have some time on my hands but as Will is technically homeless and did live in Windsor and im Northamptonshire he is pratically living with me. 

This realtionship is going to kill me. As hes an Event manager for nightclubs alot of girls want him. Even the girls who work for him at the club i work for go up to him saying they like him and want him bla bla bla and then QUIT when they find out were together. Its crazy especially when the girls are my work friends to!

In the club the other night and a girl ran over ad jumped on him and wrapped her legs around him. His brother leaned over to me and said 'how do you put up with that?' I simply reply, I dont but i dont have a choice- its going to happen if im happy or not about it.

Got a realllly Sweet text from him randomly the otherday when he went back to his friends bar and i carried on shopping...

' When I'm not with you I miss everything about you, even that cheey little grin.. Your doing it now!!! Stoppp grinning...stopppp!! You've made me so happy all i can say is thank you miss dixon :) I hope this continues and ill do everything in my power to make you happy xxxxxxx'

^^ How sweet is that^^ 

Ahhhhhh :)

well i think ive bored you enough with this post sooo till next time 

Love C

xxxxxxx

Money

Dont you hate the fact how money runs your life?

It dicates your mood just as much as weight. 

No money to go out and enjoy yourself = Bad mood

No money to buy food = Good and bad mood

Enough money to buy lots of yummy fruits and salad bits = Good mood

No money to buy your junk food = VERY BAD MOOD <3

134 this morning. 

Buuuutttttt i didnt get home untill 3.30am 

Drove from Windsor back up nooorth after a night out. 

(well the guy im seeing is an event manager up north and down south, so went with him)

Starving hungry from only having an apple and a bag of crisps all day - I would have gone without but honestly thought i was going to pass out in the club! 

So asked them to pick me up some chicken nuggets and they didnt have any so they bought me a chicken Kebab. 

First time i have ever had one and i can safely say i will never ever EVER have one again. 

ERGH./ 

So that was about 2.30am and waking up early etc no time to digest go through my system and not enough sleep. 

So as i dont have an overdraft i have to pay for borrowing money. This month its £125.00 ONTOP of what i already owe the bank from borrowing. :( 

So i just had a binge on food. Comfort food. 

But not i feel fat urgh and just really want to climb into a big ball in bed. 

I dont get it, the number says i should be skinny but im not! 

I need to do what i did at the beginning of August that got me down from 142 to 132. 

SF Red bull and Apples for lunch and salad for dinner. EVERY day with exercise. 

I want to be 125 or lower. i need to be skinny. i need to have an unexpected picture taken and actually look good any angle!

On the pluss not. Fit a size 8 dont I! Shame i dont look it.

-Love C

xxxxxxxxxxx

133.0lbs 

yes i had a binge last night and im reallly suprised how i only put on 0.4lbs 

:/ 

How come when i have a big binge i dont put on as much as when i have a little binge?

Probably would have been less as my binge was at about 4pm but then i had a sandwich past 8 and the scales were 133 before i had that pitta bread. 

Ah well.

My promo team are back in North tonight 

:)

Soo happy because it means i can go out with them, MUST LEAVE BY 12.00AM 

ive got to be up at 5.30 to shower and get ready to be picked up for 6 to leave for the OLYMPICS

Off to see Athletics

:)

SOOO EXCITED

so i wont be able to post tomorrow or over the weekend so ill let you know my plan 

Thursday (today)

- work

- travel an hour up north 

- Hot Tub 

- Drink a bit

-Go into Town and drink 

-Drive home (fingers crossed) by 12.30am

Friday

-Leave for Olympics at 6am

-Travel around arena once games have finished (1.40pm)

- Go for food with family

- Travel back to Btown

- Get ready for a night out up North

-Travel up North

-PAARRTYYY

Saturday

-Travel back to Btown

- Back to Ntown for shopping and nails/Eyebrows done

- Back to Btown for the best steak around!

-BACK TO NTOWN for the launch party im running

-Dont know evening plans

Sunday

-DIE FROM HANGOVER

 - might go back out 

Monday

-Work and you shall hear from me 

:)

Hope your all ok! 

Stay Strong and Think Skinny 

- Love C

xxxxxxx

SELF DISTRUCT MODE

132.8lbs

Arrive home from a very relaxed weekend away at centre parcs. 

My Promotions boss begs me to drive an hour to join him and shane for a hot tub and movie night. 

I go of course know that it ment hot tub and alcohol night. 

way to much alcohol consumed for a SUNDAY night and with work in the morning. 

Not going to go into details but yer, End up fucking my Promo boss. Thats going to be awkward next time i see him! 

Good rebound sex though!

sleep at 5am. 

Wake up at 7.30am On the hard floor with a rug as a blanket freezing cold with a guy either side of me. 

Is it strange that going out drinking with guys is way more fun than the girls sometimes! 

I know some of you wont be impressed and a side of me isnt impressed either but, ive just come out of a relationship and i just want to have fun, and whats the harm in that really? Im not putting myself in danger, im always letting people know were im going

:) 

Im having fun and thats all that matters right?

Oh and i got home from Centre Parcs and there was an envelope with my name on it!

 RICH WROTE ME A LETTER. 

 Must admit i didnt know wether to cry at it or laugh. Im mixed feelings about it. 

Hmmm he asked that he doesnt get a response from it so ill respect his wishes and not say anything. 

-Love C

xxxx

 

Cookie Monster

Firstly a BIG BIG BIG thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. 

Really helps knowing that you all know and understand what im going through and that your always here supporting me! 

However...............

Yesterday my car broke down :( 

Thats not all. 

It broke down outside Tesco! 

Thats not all. 

Due to the stress of having your car thickly smoke i bought stress food.

Crisps, Sausage roll, COOKIES. 

Thats not all. 

Mother picked me up and took me to hers. 

What happened when i got to hers?

SHE FED ME ALL THIS JUNK FOOD SHE WANTED TO GET RID OF.

Ive never eaten so much food in my life. 

On the pluss side though im craving tomatoes and fruit :) 

This never happens but maybe its a side of me trying to fight back and say they dont want to wake up in the morning and see 141 on the scales they want to see 131.

I can do this.

WE can do this! 

Who's with me?

Lets start with 1 week. If we make sure we eat our 5 a day fingers crossed by the time we have finished that we wont want any crap of normal foood.

5portions a day of either fruit or veg. 

:D

Stay strong

-Love C

xxxxxxxx

FUCK....my life

So Friday i didnt eat untill the evening around 7.30 when R presented me with half a pizza. NOM! 

friday hangover cure breakfast - Full english then dinner was 3 slices of pizza again. 

Not to mention the burger while in the club and the LARGE big mac meal before the taxi home. 

Then the hangover cure lunch. 

Oh and the x2 crisp sandwiches.

On my period and i put two patches together so im having a major one were everything is 10x worse. Pains, sore booobies :( Everything. 

so im just eating and eating and eating. So hello 4lbs gained. 

FUCK MY LIFE. 

Going to eat as little as i can today. Just do a nice cleanse to start again. no food in the house anyway. If im hungry its just tough.

So this morning i was 142lbs

I really hate my life :( 

Just never want to eat again. 

A friend none of us have seen in forever because she just lives with her boyfriend ... and she just turned around and said 'not going to lie, have you put on weight' I was honestly about to punch her in the face. everyone is saying youve lost sooo much weight recently. Stop loosing weight etc and i havent spoken or seen her in MONTHS and she says ive put weight on. She can lick my hairy fucking nine! 

she pissed us all off. 

Just snidey comments. ergh. 

Hate girls like her. She dislikes the fact that were all soo close and have private jokes etc. Not our fault she never comes out anymore. 

I wish though when somebody said i was fat id go purge and stop eating but no. I have to stuff my face. 

Right rant over however much i would like to carry on. 

Stay strong

<3

-Love C

x

 

Battle to be thin

138.6lbs 

im very happy with the loss as i had a HUGE portion of pasta salad. 

Made enough to be for lunch or dinner today and well, i ate it all. 

Then the cinema to see Prometheus. 

Popcorn.

I was sooo nervous from everyone telling me it was scary that i comfort ate the whole thing. 

Turns out it wasnt scary atall.

so to loose is pretty awsome. 

Did do an hour of stomp though which is good high intensity workout. 

Dont you wish that you could be this skinny?

I just want to be there now. So skinny that everything feels good on. 

I can put something on and know i dont look fat. 

I can sit down without haviung to worry about fat over rolls. 

I dont have to worry about my navel piercing being pulled in every directing as its in my fat roll. 

I just wont have to worry. 

8.6lbs untill im at 130. 

GW #4 

I can do this because i want this. 

I want my frail hair back that was soo volumised because it was so thin, dry and falling out that it would stay put. I know it sounds impossible but for some reason it happens. 

i want it back ... i want it all back!

 

(^^when times were simpler and food wasnt a daily battle^^)

-Love C

x

My big FAT Weekend

Still 140 lbs

I guess its better to maintain with the amount of shit ive been eating.

So i was at the jack wills Varsity Polo this weekend.

it was great fun, but alot of snack junk food was eaten and mcdonalds on the way home, Crisp sandwich when i get to R's and Chicken balls and Chips for dinner.

Ive realised that my eating is soooo unhealthy and fatty and seeing as ive been maintaining. Now im back to my restricting it should be ok and the weight should drop off like it did at the beginning and when i come back off holidays.

Im Doing a big lunch (not that its actually goin to be big, A sandwich or something and then something healthy and small for dinner.

A baby pouch or salad.

i will loose this weight.

I have a clubbing night out on Saturday also for my birthday but for the people who couldnt make it to jack wills and for the ones were jack wills was too 'posh' for them.

i have a family lunch that day too so if i eat that then something very small in the evening before i start drinking it should be ok.  then if i stick to vodka orange, sex on the beach or malibu and diet coke. (anything with diet coke) i shouldnt put on too much and it shouldnt be so much of a disaster :)

Who's ready to loose the unwanted pounds this week?

Stay strong and think Thin.

<3

-Love C
x

 

After Shock

really sorry i didnt post yesterday i had to go with my friend to hospital as she was in alot of pain. 

Bacterial infection, Urine infection and a ripped cervix! 

OUCH. 

No wonder she was in pain. 

So the magical number youve all been waiting to hear. 

I should have taken bets on what my boozing holiday did to my weight.

140.2lbs 

:) 

Im soo  happy with that from the amount i ate. 

Burger king, pizza hut, alot of baguettes and bread. Burgers, steak. 

not to mention to alcohol calories! 

I guess sweating it out and all the walking helped! 

5th floor and the elevators smelt of wee or had sick in them so it was always stairs.

Back to my healthy eating now and seeing as im used to eating normal i guess as soon as i go back to my minimal the weight will fall off me like a fat pair of jeans! 

Jack Wills Varsity Polo tomorrow. 

Always go for my birthday. 

20years old on the 20th June. 

I CANNOT be fat in all my pictures. I know im going to be huge in JWVP ones but i cant exactly cut weight off in a day! Talk about the impossible! 

So 10 days ... a pound ish a day. I can be 136 for my birthday, i will be SOOOO happy. :)

Lets start.

Whos with me?

Stay Strong and Think Thin. 

-Love C

xxxxxxxxx

(Just a bit of feather tatto thinspo <3)

Alot of people have the feather tatto on there rib! Guess i must have a common brain/imagination! 

Enjoy 

<3

Mento's Gum

136.6 lbs 

I really dont know how i went up today. 

It has to be the late night meal i had. If you can call it a meal.

8.30 is never a good time! 

I was at work and a guy came to pick up some bits and bobs and said do i like gum. 

I obviously told the truth and said yes. and he gave me this HUGE pile 

:))

I LOVE GUM

So i think im stocked for a while now.

And mentos gum is actually really nice. 

My food for today is going to be 

small apple (which ive already had) 50cal

Yoghurt 119cal

Dinner:

1/2 Covent gardens soup 50cal

And i think this should suffice for the day.
Might slip in a banana as there going black so need to eat them soon before they go all horrible on the inside. 

I WILL be 135 tomorrow if it kills me!!!

Stay Strong

-Love C

xxxxx