RANT.

So i havent wanted to post due to the weight... 

Im up to 135lbs

Mcdonalds at 3am last night. But im not going to eat poorly any more im actually fed up of all the mcdonalds and fast food. 

Ill make a mini pack dinner? for Tills on saturday so when 2/3am rolls around ill have a nibble on a healthy sandwich rather than chips and nuggets. 

Need to get on drinking lots more water, Only drinking energy drinks is going to dooooo sooooo much damage. 

im eating more than i used to at work aswell

i use to be able to not be hungry off an apple ... JUST ONE APPLE> 

Now i need alot more than that. 

Need to train my body to live off no food;. 

I was reading one of your blogs 

(im hungover and brain isnt working so cant rememeber)

And it was how tehre 133 wanting to get to 126 but it being 'too' skinny. 

Well i want to get to 126 and that will put my bmi to 17.8

9lbs difference ... Not really much. 

And im bouncing from 135 to 133lbs. 

133lb when i dont junk out.....

so really i dont know what difference im going to see from now and 126lbs :/ i still have big things in images, big arms big everything 

I want to be one of those skinny skinny girls

I want people to go yeah shes skinny. 

My friend accidently bought a ton of the same underwear and so shes giving me 2 pairs. There a s/p which is a size 8 and i felt like she was thinking 'your sooo not going to fit into these'

Because i dont look like id fit into a sixe 8 atallll~!! !! 

I want to be skiiny, i dont want a bloated belly, i dont want these huge thighs i want tiny arms with no bingo wings, i dont want that back fat i dont want that double chin. 

I want to be skin and bones

<3

Is that too much to ask for?

Love C 

xxxxxxxx

Back bra fat

Goodmorning Bloggers

Ive recently done some asos shopping but really worried. 

I was out in Windsor shopping 

(are you seeing a pattern here? Im a shopperholic)
anyway - I was out shopping for a new outfit to go out that night (bearing in mind im already in debt)

Found a ton of really nice playsuits and dresses etc. 

Size 10 are too big and look silly, yet size 8's are just a little tooo tight on my belly

I am sooooo bloated latly due to eating crap - 135lbs

OOOO and im official with Will

:D

Said  to him im going back to the gym so he will have to be bored at my house a little bit longer as i leave him home alone while i come to work..

But he wants to come with me - Im ok with this, All i do is the elliptical so not toooo bothered. cant do anything else due to my cyst in my foot. 

So back to the main point of this blog - i wonder off way too easily.

I bought this: 

 

Got it in a size 8 as i thought you want it to be tight etc and when i buy leggings i get a 8 so figers crossed it fits. 

But im really worried that im going to have back overhang over all of the straps on the back. 

And i dont know what to do about a bra as im not flat chested like the woman in the picture - Im a 32DD and the gell stick on backless bra's only go to a D -_-

I should start a fashion blog of all the outfits i buy. and shove together. Im going out enough. 

Might do that when i have some time on my hands but as Will is technically homeless and did live in Windsor and im Northamptonshire he is pratically living with me. 

This realtionship is going to kill me. As hes an Event manager for nightclubs alot of girls want him. Even the girls who work for him at the club i work for go up to him saying they like him and want him bla bla bla and then QUIT when they find out were together. Its crazy especially when the girls are my work friends to!

In the club the other night and a girl ran over ad jumped on him and wrapped her legs around him. His brother leaned over to me and said 'how do you put up with that?' I simply reply, I dont but i dont have a choice- its going to happen if im happy or not about it.

Got a realllly Sweet text from him randomly the otherday when he went back to his friends bar and i carried on shopping...

' When I'm not with you I miss everything about you, even that cheey little grin.. Your doing it now!!! Stoppp grinning...stopppp!! You've made me so happy all i can say is thank you miss dixon :) I hope this continues and ill do everything in my power to make you happy xxxxxxx'

^^ How sweet is that^^ 

Ahhhhhh :)

well i think ive bored you enough with this post sooo till next time 

Love C

xxxxxxx

Money

Dont you hate the fact how money runs your life?

It dicates your mood just as much as weight. 

No money to go out and enjoy yourself = Bad mood

No money to buy food = Good and bad mood

Enough money to buy lots of yummy fruits and salad bits = Good mood

No money to buy your junk food = VERY BAD MOOD <3

134 this morning. 

Buuuutttttt i didnt get home untill 3.30am 

Drove from Windsor back up nooorth after a night out. 

(well the guy im seeing is an event manager up north and down south, so went with him)

Starving hungry from only having an apple and a bag of crisps all day - I would have gone without but honestly thought i was going to pass out in the club! 

So asked them to pick me up some chicken nuggets and they didnt have any so they bought me a chicken Kebab. 

First time i have ever had one and i can safely say i will never ever EVER have one again. 

ERGH./ 

So that was about 2.30am and waking up early etc no time to digest go through my system and not enough sleep. 

So as i dont have an overdraft i have to pay for borrowing money. This month its £125.00 ONTOP of what i already owe the bank from borrowing. :( 

So i just had a binge on food. Comfort food. 

But not i feel fat urgh and just really want to climb into a big ball in bed. 

I dont get it, the number says i should be skinny but im not! 

I need to do what i did at the beginning of August that got me down from 142 to 132. 

SF Red bull and Apples for lunch and salad for dinner. EVERY day with exercise. 

I want to be 125 or lower. i need to be skinny. i need to have an unexpected picture taken and actually look good any angle!

On the pluss not. Fit a size 8 dont I! Shame i dont look it.

-Love C

xxxxxxxxxxx

133.0lbs 

yes i had a binge last night and im reallly suprised how i only put on 0.4lbs 

:/ 

How come when i have a big binge i dont put on as much as when i have a little binge?

Probably would have been less as my binge was at about 4pm but then i had a sandwich past 8 and the scales were 133 before i had that pitta bread. 

Ah well.

My promo team are back in North tonight 

:)

Soo happy because it means i can go out with them, MUST LEAVE BY 12.00AM 

ive got to be up at 5.30 to shower and get ready to be picked up for 6 to leave for the OLYMPICS

Off to see Athletics

:)

SOOO EXCITED

so i wont be able to post tomorrow or over the weekend so ill let you know my plan 

Thursday (today)

- work

- travel an hour up north 

- Hot Tub 

- Drink a bit

-Go into Town and drink 

-Drive home (fingers crossed) by 12.30am

Friday

-Leave for Olympics at 6am

-Travel around arena once games have finished (1.40pm)

- Go for food with family

- Travel back to Btown

- Get ready for a night out up North

-Travel up North

-PAARRTYYY

Saturday

-Travel back to Btown

- Back to Ntown for shopping and nails/Eyebrows done

- Back to Btown for the best steak around!

-BACK TO NTOWN for the launch party im running

-Dont know evening plans

Sunday

-DIE FROM HANGOVER

 - might go back out 

Monday

-Work and you shall hear from me 

:)

Hope your all ok! 

Stay Strong and Think Skinny 

- Love C

xxxxxxx

You Blocked me on Facebook

132.6lbs

Its soooo strange putting that number! 

Its strange though im still feeling fat, not quite skinny yet. I still have all my fat rolls, im still a size 10. 

I would have though loosing 7lbs would have taken a bit of the weight off but no im the damn same. 

Ive been here for a while so fingers crosed this is my new level to hang around. 

Sorry i havent posted in a while, ive been super super busy. 

I havent let myself have time to think with this break up. 

Ive also been going to my hospital appointment and booking all sorts of things. 

Confirmed cyst in my foot - OH JOY! 

Have to wait untill the 20th August to discuss with my doctor treatment plans. I could ask for any other doctor but you know when you just want your own?

Calmed on the drinking but thats cuz the Promo team are in Windsor. There back tomorrow afternoon. 

They want to see me. I cant have a late night though as i need to be up at 6am Friday morning to get to London For the Olympics. 

:)

Perhaps i could drive to Northampton for the evening and if they do go out only have a few and leave by 1am? 

As im feeling very british here is some British thinspo

<3

-Love C

xxxxxxx

An Apple a Day keeps the fatness away

So over the weekend i put on quite a bit of weight ... chicken burger to cure the hangover, pizza to line the stomach, lasagne to keep me going, burger and chips to soak up the alcohol, chicken nuggets to do the same. 

140lbs Yesterday. 

137.6 Today.

Apple Diet. 

Apples suppress appetite. 

Apples are a natural laxative. 

Royal Gala apples = 43 calories each

My theory is apple diet = skinny.

Proven that it works. 

Yes i only had 2. 

 Yes i can survive on that.

Also i was reading this month's Cosmo and got a free discount booklet. 

It came with a free discount code for Zero.

They are tablets you dilute in water and its proven to burn 41% more fat when walking and exercising. 

3 tubes (10 tablets in each) and a water bottle the correct size for x1. 

I think i might try it. Only £21.40 with my discount code. 

Might worl for you guys too. 

www.highfive.co.uk/try-zero

Code: summer2012

Lets get skinny together :) 

-Love C

xxxx

Cookie Monster

Firstly a BIG BIG BIG thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. 

Really helps knowing that you all know and understand what im going through and that your always here supporting me! 

However...............

Yesterday my car broke down :( 

Thats not all. 

It broke down outside Tesco! 

Thats not all. 

Due to the stress of having your car thickly smoke i bought stress food.

Crisps, Sausage roll, COOKIES. 

Thats not all. 

Mother picked me up and took me to hers. 

What happened when i got to hers?

SHE FED ME ALL THIS JUNK FOOD SHE WANTED TO GET RID OF.

Ive never eaten so much food in my life. 

On the pluss side though im craving tomatoes and fruit :) 

This never happens but maybe its a side of me trying to fight back and say they dont want to wake up in the morning and see 141 on the scales they want to see 131.

I can do this.

WE can do this! 

Who's with me?

Lets start with 1 week. If we make sure we eat our 5 a day fingers crossed by the time we have finished that we wont want any crap of normal foood.

5portions a day of either fruit or veg. 

:D

Stay strong

-Love C

xxxxxxxx

FUCK....my life

So Friday i didnt eat untill the evening around 7.30 when R presented me with half a pizza. NOM! 

friday hangover cure breakfast - Full english then dinner was 3 slices of pizza again. 

Not to mention the burger while in the club and the LARGE big mac meal before the taxi home. 

Then the hangover cure lunch. 

Oh and the x2 crisp sandwiches.

On my period and i put two patches together so im having a major one were everything is 10x worse. Pains, sore booobies :( Everything. 

so im just eating and eating and eating. So hello 4lbs gained. 

FUCK MY LIFE. 

Going to eat as little as i can today. Just do a nice cleanse to start again. no food in the house anyway. If im hungry its just tough.

So this morning i was 142lbs

I really hate my life :( 

Just never want to eat again. 

A friend none of us have seen in forever because she just lives with her boyfriend ... and she just turned around and said 'not going to lie, have you put on weight' I was honestly about to punch her in the face. everyone is saying youve lost sooo much weight recently. Stop loosing weight etc and i havent spoken or seen her in MONTHS and she says ive put weight on. She can lick my hairy fucking nine! 

she pissed us all off. 

Just snidey comments. ergh. 

Hate girls like her. She dislikes the fact that were all soo close and have private jokes etc. Not our fault she never comes out anymore. 

I wish though when somebody said i was fat id go purge and stop eating but no. I have to stuff my face. 

Right rant over however much i would like to carry on. 

Stay strong

<3

-Love C

x

 

My big FAT Weekend

Still 140 lbs

I guess its better to maintain with the amount of shit ive been eating.

So i was at the jack wills Varsity Polo this weekend.

it was great fun, but alot of snack junk food was eaten and mcdonalds on the way home, Crisp sandwich when i get to R's and Chicken balls and Chips for dinner.

Ive realised that my eating is soooo unhealthy and fatty and seeing as ive been maintaining. Now im back to my restricting it should be ok and the weight should drop off like it did at the beginning and when i come back off holidays.

Im Doing a big lunch (not that its actually goin to be big, A sandwich or something and then something healthy and small for dinner.

A baby pouch or salad.

i will loose this weight.

I have a clubbing night out on Saturday also for my birthday but for the people who couldnt make it to jack wills and for the ones were jack wills was too 'posh' for them.

i have a family lunch that day too so if i eat that then something very small in the evening before i start drinking it should be ok.  then if i stick to vodka orange, sex on the beach or malibu and diet coke. (anything with diet coke) i shouldnt put on too much and it shouldnt be so much of a disaster :)

Who's ready to loose the unwanted pounds this week?

Stay strong and think Thin.

<3

-Love C
x

 

MAGALLUF

Weight : Who knows

Alcohol Consumed : Who Kows - im probably still drunk

Food Consumed: Lunch and dinner everyday

Puked: 0 times

Toilet: I LIVED ON THAT THING

So as you can see from the above picture i had a pretty wild time! 

Oh i got my first tattoo.

Probably not the best place to get it as i know spain dont have the same rules and regulations. 

I swear it wasnt real as i hear the stories about it hurting and i had mine right on my ribs. 

TICKLED LIKE HELL. 

the guy had to keep telling me to stop laughing.

 In its clingfilm and its a bit flakey at the moment so when its healed ill take a better picture for y'all. 

I got the feather to resemble 'free spirit' as i do everything myself. Moved out at 18, LOVE getting out the country. 

Holiday number 4 in August! and might be heading back to Maga in July!

i love that more people are finding my site so HELLO 

:) 

Ill be stepping on the scales tomorrow morning ... AHHH IM SO SCARED :( 

probably gained a Stone! 

sorry this post is a bit here there and everywere but im ever so tired, swear im still drunk or experienceing alcohol withdrawals. 

was up super early from work this morning and its just turned 3 so HOME TIME. 

ill post again with the news tomorrow.

-Love C

xxxxxxxx

I dont even want to admit this to you guys im that ashamed

139.2 on the scales this morning. 

Ahh i dont like it. 

Going super healthy now. 

Such a terrible weekend :( 

I will do better. I need to!

-C

BINGE :(

So last night didnt exactly go as planned. 

I go to babysitting at 8. And the lady i babysit for asked me into the kitchen (standard as she usually gives me instructions etc) But she just said, 'were my kids exceptionally stressfull yesterday, i found your lighter outside, here you go' It was sooo awkward. They were in bed asleep when i went out and i had had them all freaking day. 

She even hid the key so i couldnt go out for one last night!

To top it off she said help yourself to this GIANT bar of galaxy (my favourite, was already half eaten) and put out a rocky road aswell. 

So it was that and some tortilla chips, had 2 cherry tomatoes to make myself feel like i ate healthy. And the rocky road i had a small bite. then shoved the rest in chewed for a bit and hit a wall of WTF am i doing so spat it all back out. 

When babysitting was over my parents lights were still on so i popped in to say hello. 

1 ham roll and 1 penut butter roll. 

GOD i miss Penut butter.

So for all of yesterday it was

Breakfast:

Nothing

Lunch: 

Kiwi 14cal

Dinner: 

Apple Puree Pouch: 51cal

Tuna: 50

BINGE:

2 cherry tomatoes 4cal

1/4 rocky road 50cal

1/4 giant cookie 30cal

2 chocolate galaxy cubes 52cal

Tortilla chips 30cal

Ham Roll 141cal

Penut Butter roll 186cal

3 laxatives :( 

Total:

608cals

Didnt gain, just maintained. 

so still 136.8 lbs

R and I are going MK shopping and he wants to go to nando's, Ive checked the menu and ive told him im getting the mixed salad already. i dont care what he says. if he kicks up a big fuss ill have it with the chicken. May have it with the chicken anyway and then have a pouch for dinner before i head out for the night. 

TMI WARNING: Laxatives havent worked...its stressing me out. Perhaps ill have a cigerette. Usually gets things going. 

Stay Strong

-Love C

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Im going to weigh myself when getting ready...perhaps last nights weight will have digested.

My fucking fantastic weekend

Sorry i havent posted all weekend its been a roller coaster ride! 

Friday went to TGI's with R and a friend of mine and her man. It was good we had a great time, Untill we left. I just got moodey that R NEVER stays at mine! 

i mean NEVER. unless hes incredibly drunk and i have to take him home. 

Saturday was good R and i had made up and i was getting ready for a girls night out. We get drunk we go to the pub. i was drinking on pretty muhc an empty stomach appart from one slice of toast so i didnt ruin everyones night. And well R did a good job of that. 

he was getting kicked out of the pub so i was there trying to pull him out so he would stop yelling at the bouncers and not get bar'ed

He then decided to go mental at me, Calling me everyname under the sun. and the three things that got to me the most were:

-Fuck of you fat cunt

- Id rather dance with my bed than ever be with you

-You fucking fat twat.

So as you can imagen i left him to figure his own way home, Maraculously he found my house and my friend let him in. I spent the night smoking and drinking vodka in my bathroom! Good evening?

Had to put him in my bed and me sleep in my brothers bed. 

In the morning i literally had nothhing to say to him so he left without a hello or a goodbye. Finally made up come the evening with the biggest appolagy ever when i had to explain everything hes done.

I thought i was ok with it all and id forgiven him and i have i love him to bits. But we were lying in bed watching a film and he did what he always does, Lifts up my top and just strokes my belly, But i jsut instantly batted his hand away and pulled my top down. I just DIDNT want him to touch my belly. perhaps his words have stayed with me unconscously. I know he was upset that i wouldnt allow him to touch skin. or even see it.

I made up so crabby excuse that i couldnt have sex. so i didnt have to get naked. 

I guess i just feel a bit vunrable. 

or perhaps its that i ate like an obese person after he called me that and put on soooo much. Currently 141.0 - sick JOKE! I hate this weight. :(

Back to the baby food diet now. 

Stay strong

Sorry for the ramble., 

-C

The Last 10 Lbs

So we are all struggling with those last 10lbs yes?

We've all been working together to get to this stage so dont give up. Just look at the number you started at and look were you are now!

When i see 140 on the scales and hate it, i have to rememeber that i used to DREAM of weighing that.

So Lets do the last bit together. 

if we all aim for 5lbs in a month. Thats VERY reasonable. I remember when i could loose that in a week, but for some reason i cant anymore. then again if i went back to my 500cals a day i probably could. I seem to be eating 500cals in a sitting now. 

I need to say no to food! 

Well no to all the junk food anyway. 

Who's in?

I WANT/NEED to be 135lbs by 29th May when i go on holiday to Magaluf with the girls. 

One friend is 160lbs and the other 132lbs. 

I know which one i want to be closer to!

Com'on we can do it :) 

Stay strong and think thin. 

-Love C

 

Renovation Motivation Thinspiration

138.8lbs

Back down even though i ended up eating a bit at R's.

Trying to stick to the plan Marla and I created i should have had soup for dinner ... and i was planning on it.

However R didnt go to the gym like he said he was so he was ready alot earlier than usual and told me to come straight over as he was really bored. Me being me, dropped everything and rushed over. Only to realise id forgotten to eat my soup 5 minutes into being with him and I very stupidly said it out loud.

That made me make me Jacket potato and beans! ergh

Even a bit of cheese

Im Lactose intolerant, i should NOT be eating cheese. 

Then i had thrown at me 4, yes FOUR rocky bars and a nice big handfull of skittles. 

thankfully i lost...dont know how, eating all of that and being on my period. Not exactly a recipe for weight loss but ill take it!

Perhaps its because my muscles dont ache as much today so they are starting to relax which obviously means less weight. YAY :)

So a few of the blogs ive been following have gone for a re-vamp and a bit of a change to boost their motivation and I though i might change mine seeing as when i first chose it I hadnt a clue how to use Blogger!

It's not the best but this thing confuses me so its pretty much just a new background. 

Got wine and chinese tonight. 

The worst part is were getting chinese because my friend J is coming home from uni (have to try and find Northampton train station to pick her up) and she's chinese and her parents own one of the chinese resturant/take aways in town. So her parents insentive to get her home is that if she does she gets a £20-£30 budget on foood which she brings over to pre drinks. ERGH!

Kill me now. 

So im just going to eat nothing all day - might have my carrot and cucumber sticks when i feel hungry so that gets me to <50cals so when chinese and the wine comes its not on top of a bad day. 

A bit of Thinspiration for both myself and you guys. 

<3

-C