Award and Nominations

So firstly thanks to Gabrielle and  Little Jo for nominating me. So my answers to their questions are below but first 11 things about me:

 1) I never ever want to get out of bed in the morning and i will fight it even if im fully recharged and im not an inch tired. 

2) My biggest fear is needles and ive beeen having to go for lots recently due to having a ganglion cyst in my foot which im having to have steriods pumped into it to break down the nerve.

3) i have struggled with my weight and whenever i look in the mirror i dont see thin and perfect i see fat and unperfect.

4) i am addicted to SF Monster and even though i know its the worse thing for me i cant stop because drinking it while eating i have found that it burns off the calories quicker which makes me maintain rather than gain

5) After finally telling someone about my secret i have levelled with myself to maintain at 130lbs and make sure i keep up eating to stop me getting moodey and grouchy due to lack of food for the sake of my relationship with him. 

6) The relationship im in now is the best relationship ive been in and yes ive had boyfriends before but this one has gone extremly quick and yes we ar living together after being in a relationship after 4 months but ive never loved someone as much as i love Will. Ive never wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone but the thought of not having him there honestly scares me. Hes the only person ive told about this secret and hes enough to make me get a hold on it. Hes there for me and not telling me to stop or carry on. Hes perfect for me.

7) im double jointed. But due to having shitty bones all they do is come out of their sockets and cause me lots of pain. 

8) I think myself of a nice person who will be there for anyone if asked and i will always do anything i can to make sure other people are happy over my own happiness. 

9)  Ive never kept up with current music trends. I listen to what i listen to and the best songs are the old school ones 

10) Cosy nights iin under a blanket on the sofa watching a film are the best <3

11) right now things are starting to look OK.

 

http://littlejproana.blogspot.co.uk/

1.   What is your favorite thing about yourself?

My face, Not because I think myself pretty or anything but my cheekbones, since losing the weight they show and it just makes me feel better seeing them knowing I no longer have that round face.

2.    If you could remove all calories from one food, which one would it be?

I would remove all the calories from sausage rolls I LOVE them.

3.  Share your three ultimate thinspo things. (Legs, ribs?)

Concave legs, Spine showing and collar bones.

4.   Share your three best weight loss tips.

Drinking 2 litres of water EVERYDAY. No Food 4 hours before bed, Keep the calories low.

5.     What is your favorite exercise?

Elliptical J even though I cant do any exercise atm due to my cyst in my foot.

6.   When was the last time you looked in the mirror and felt good?

When I was younger going through the same thing and had the lowest bmi and not one inch of fat on me.

7.     Do you have any animals?

I have two dwarf hamsters which are boring and just attack me everytime I try to touch them.

8.      What is your favorite country?

Tioman Island off of Malaysia. White sand, Clear water, And just in general so relaxing and basic.

9.      How often do you post? - Do you think it's too often or not enough?

I used to post religiously ever single day but lately ive had to make a decision and pick between one or the other so I haven’t been posting much atall.

10.  what is your favorite sports?

I don’t really play sport, but if I was back in school I always enjoyed rounders if that counts?

11.  I you would have one wish in the world come true, what would it be?

That I could be skinny and happy forever.

http://blackbook-115.blogspot.co.uk/

1.       What did you want to be when you were little?

I always dreamed of being a marine biologist so that I could swim with dolphins everyday.

2.       What outfit are you wearing right now?

Skinny Jeans, Black strapless top a cardigan and a jumper (it’s very cold)

3.       Father or mother?

Mother, Nothing beats a mum hug when you need it and you know that it will always be there even if you don’t live with her anymore. I know ive driven all the way to her house just to get one.

4.       Dog or a cat person?

Deffinitly dog, They cuddle up with you more and you can do more with them.

5.       If you could have a dinner party with five famous people, alive or dead, who would they be, and why?

Robert pattinson – Who wouldn’t want the twilight superstar to dinner..

Jonny Knoxville – He us just plain amazing. Always good to watch when you need cheering up.

Brad Pitt ß-do I need to explain why???

Meg Ryan – I Just LOVE HER

Britney Murphey- She was always in all of my favourite films and

6.       Describe yourself this year in three words.

Strong, Ambitious, control
7. Do you remember your childhood as: a) traumatic, b) blissful, or c) conventional?

B) I had a pretty easy childhood. Nothing bad really happened until I grew up. When your younger the only problems you have is not wanting to share your toy! What I woulod give to go back.
8. If tomorrow, you had to pick between taking a pill that would make you forever thin, or a pill that would make you forever happy, which pill would you take?

Isnt this a trick question? Because being forever thin would make me forever happy. But like I will explain in my next post about my situation currently in my next post.
9. Your earliest memory?

Playing dress up with my brother and sister and running around the house like carefree kids.
10. Who do you miss at this moment in time?

I miss my best friend who has always been there for me but she’s in the army and is based over in Germany so I don’t get to see her often at all.
11. Who do you adore the most today?

I adore my boyfriend who I am 100% completely and utterly in love with and I couldn’t possibly imagine being without him.

My 11 nominies are: 

Winter A 

Lottie

nasimiyu

Emma

Little Miss Thin

Katie

faye

Jane

K

sar 

Annamaria

My Questions for you are :

1)When are you the happiest?

2)  If you could change 3 things about you, what would they be?

3) If you could be an animal, what would it be and why?

4) What made you start writing a blog?

5) What is your biggest fear?

6) What are you addicted to?

7) What outfit makes you feel the most comfortable with yourself?

8) What is your best memory?

9)Night in or night out?

10) What is your perfect idea of a date?

11) what will make you happy?

-Lots of love C

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Wishes and dreams

To have the 'gaunt look' 

To sit up and just have one skin roll ... Not fat

To lie down and be able to see straight down your pants as your hips bones stick out so much

To be able to see the whole of your spine when you bend forward

To see your ribs on your back. 

To be able to see the full length of your collar bone

To have your chest bones showing

To have that flat stomach

To have that gap between your legs.

To wear those size 8 shorts and for them to look to big

To have that hunger pang that means your not bloated

To have that pang that means your on  the right lines

to have that pang that means your getting thinner

to have that pang that means you will get your goal

For the girls to be jealous

for the guys to want you to be thiers

For everyone to see the control you have

For everyone to see your strong

9 hours awake today. 

0 cals consumed

I will get what i want.

 

RANT.

So i havent wanted to post due to the weight... 

Im up to 135lbs

Mcdonalds at 3am last night. But im not going to eat poorly any more im actually fed up of all the mcdonalds and fast food. 

Ill make a mini pack dinner? for Tills on saturday so when 2/3am rolls around ill have a nibble on a healthy sandwich rather than chips and nuggets. 

Need to get on drinking lots more water, Only drinking energy drinks is going to dooooo sooooo much damage. 

im eating more than i used to at work aswell

i use to be able to not be hungry off an apple ... JUST ONE APPLE> 

Now i need alot more than that. 

Need to train my body to live off no food;. 

I was reading one of your blogs 

(im hungover and brain isnt working so cant rememeber)

And it was how tehre 133 wanting to get to 126 but it being 'too' skinny. 

Well i want to get to 126 and that will put my bmi to 17.8

9lbs difference ... Not really much. 

And im bouncing from 135 to 133lbs. 

133lb when i dont junk out.....

so really i dont know what difference im going to see from now and 126lbs :/ i still have big things in images, big arms big everything 

I want to be one of those skinny skinny girls

I want people to go yeah shes skinny. 

My friend accidently bought a ton of the same underwear and so shes giving me 2 pairs. There a s/p which is a size 8 and i felt like she was thinking 'your sooo not going to fit into these'

Because i dont look like id fit into a sixe 8 atallll~!! !! 

I want to be skiiny, i dont want a bloated belly, i dont want these huge thighs i want tiny arms with no bingo wings, i dont want that back fat i dont want that double chin. 

I want to be skin and bones

<3

Is that too much to ask for?

Love C 

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Keeping My Promise

So im keeping my promise that i would upload a picture.

I know im not usally one to blur out my face etc but its got W in it and so thought it best! 

The image is awfull and you cant really see the outfit soo tonight im going to get myself into it and take a picture of it on my camera and upload it for you. So you will either get it this afternoon or early morning :) 

my weight is slowly going up and i need it to go down. 

BUT

My card has declined from being sooo far into my overdraft (i dont have an overdraft or limit) that they have actually said enough! 

Ooopps

So cant afford food petrol anything sooooo my weight should platuea for a day or two getting used to being back into starvation mode and then it will start to go down again. 

Im getting back into the gym now. I WILL go tonight. Got my friend whos going to join me so thats a bit of extra motivation! 

 

Im now working 3 jobs as of the 1st october to try and pay for stuff. These other two are two days each both cash in hand so it will give me about 100 a week cash. 

 

But that will mean my october month is fine but then my hours go down at my main job so ill be working that 3 days -_- 

 

So ill have to get the babysitting an extra day. Make my wage go up a bit more as im soo busy and im in demand from the children. (What can i say kids love me....Shame i really cant stand these two kids)

 

And fingers crossed the nightclub gets a third night also that i can work on tills with or something. That would be reallly good. 

 

My addiction to energy drinks isnt going anywhere soon. 

I have to have atleast 1 can of energy drink to feel fine in the mornign otherwise i will be rocking what feels like a hangover untill i have one. 2 days of thinking i had a hangover untill i crached open a can of SF Monster. 3 sips in, headache had gone. I no longer felt like i was going to crash or be sickl. I instantly felt £1000000 pounds.

 

Now to get that much money! 

 

Will try and post pictures later. 

 

Love to you alll <3

 

-C

 

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Too Happy

134lbs

Travelled down to Windsor again last night. 

Last time ill be doing that trip - Just think of the petrol ill save! 

stopped off at the services and got a ham and cheese pastie.....I DONT EVEN LIKE THEM. 

Will was sooooooo perfect last night. 

Going on about how i was the best looking girl there and how it hasnt sunk in that im his girlfriend because its too good to be true. 

I dont know why he thinks he doesnt deserve me etc etc. Hes soooo much better than me. 

He's in general a better person, better looking, better job, better at everything. 

I want him soooo much. 

SO back to the main topic - FOOD

Im eating far to much/little of it. 

Im living off SF Relentless and a bag of crisps for lunch 

go home and if i eat its either something so small like a sandwich or Will and i will go big and have realllly unhealthy food. 

Like yesterday big bar of galaxy between us and a mcdonalds! 

i need to get back to my 500cals a day and exercise. 

5'10.5 and 134lbs 

BMI: 19.0

I want a bmi of 18.5 so i need to loooose 3-4lbs

I still have fat on me, its starting to go on my bellly. 

OOOooooo i wore the Unitard last night. 

When the pictures from the night go up ill post one even though i dont think its a full length.... 

If not ill take a piccy in it....

Hope your alll doing well. 

Lots of Love

- C

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Tired, Hungry, Confused

135.0 lbs today

Chicken nuggets and chips last night. 

I was driving back from Windsor at 2am missed my turning and added an extra hour to my already 50minute journey -_-

I dont know how but i was livid at the time so got some food, pulled over in a layby and ate. 

STRESSED

Turns out Satnav was just being a knob. 

 So Will's best friend said the same thing to me again last night when i popped to his bar with a friend 'I know will and i give it 2 weeks, he will get bored of you' Thank god my friend was there to hear it because she didnt believe it when i told her the first time becase of the way he is around me. 

I told Will that i dont want him to get bored of me and that im not in it for the short run - i do realllllly like him :) 

He said that he's just jealous and yes hes never really been in a relationship and that he used to sleep with girls for fun, but he doesnt want that ever since the moment he saw me. Which was over a month ago now and we have been seeing each other all that time - Sooo whats going to change from 'seeing' each other were we made an agreement not to sleep with other people etc from the beginning and being in a relationship?

George has given the relationship 2 weeks and Shane 3. 

Shane has only done it becuse he knows im a jealous person and also knows the amount of women who go up to will on a night out asking for sex etc. -_-

Will said in 1 week (which will make it 2 weeks) the only thing that will happen is that we will know each other 1 week better :D 

Ahhh hes got a way with words that boy. 

I obviously dont like alll these girls coming up to him but what can i do about it-Hes not running the Windsor night soon, just up north so all those posh rich sluts can fuck off. 

Then just to deal with the girls up here who work with us both and seem to quit when they find out im with him! 

I need to get in control of my eating. It seems to be the only thing i can control right now - this is the reason i said i didnt want to be in a relationship because i get jealous and ive told him the reason why it seems im closed off sometimes is becuase i dont want to put myself completly out there straight away if hes going to trade me in for a better model that comes along and offers him 3 ways - 4 ways. (yes on a night out he has been offered a 4 way straight up) 

The only thing thats keeping me comfort is that he comes back to mine - and when he gets his new place im probably going to have a mental break down! 

I want this guy sooo much, hes met every memeber of my family, been to dinner ive met his dad and brother. Not yet the sister and mum. But for me it usually takes months before i introduce them to my parents - this is how much i like him and things are sooo different. Its intense its fast and i like him tooooo much! 

Keep telling myself its not love it's lust. 

Mainly because it is. 

Im infactuated with this boy! 

-Love,

Tired, Hungry and Confused C

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Back bra fat

Goodmorning Bloggers

Ive recently done some asos shopping but really worried. 

I was out in Windsor shopping 

(are you seeing a pattern here? Im a shopperholic)
anyway - I was out shopping for a new outfit to go out that night (bearing in mind im already in debt)

Found a ton of really nice playsuits and dresses etc. 

Size 10 are too big and look silly, yet size 8's are just a little tooo tight on my belly

I am sooooo bloated latly due to eating crap - 135lbs

OOOO and im official with Will

:D

Said  to him im going back to the gym so he will have to be bored at my house a little bit longer as i leave him home alone while i come to work..

But he wants to come with me - Im ok with this, All i do is the elliptical so not toooo bothered. cant do anything else due to my cyst in my foot. 

So back to the main point of this blog - i wonder off way too easily.

I bought this: 

 

Got it in a size 8 as i thought you want it to be tight etc and when i buy leggings i get a 8 so figers crossed it fits. 

But im really worried that im going to have back overhang over all of the straps on the back. 

And i dont know what to do about a bra as im not flat chested like the woman in the picture - Im a 32DD and the gell stick on backless bra's only go to a D -_-

I should start a fashion blog of all the outfits i buy. and shove together. Im going out enough. 

Might do that when i have some time on my hands but as Will is technically homeless and did live in Windsor and im Northamptonshire he is pratically living with me. 

This realtionship is going to kill me. As hes an Event manager for nightclubs alot of girls want him. Even the girls who work for him at the club i work for go up to him saying they like him and want him bla bla bla and then QUIT when they find out were together. Its crazy especially when the girls are my work friends to!

In the club the other night and a girl ran over ad jumped on him and wrapped her legs around him. His brother leaned over to me and said 'how do you put up with that?' I simply reply, I dont but i dont have a choice- its going to happen if im happy or not about it.

Got a realllly Sweet text from him randomly the otherday when he went back to his friends bar and i carried on shopping...

' When I'm not with you I miss everything about you, even that cheey little grin.. Your doing it now!!! Stoppp grinning...stopppp!! You've made me so happy all i can say is thank you miss dixon :) I hope this continues and ill do everything in my power to make you happy xxxxxxx'

^^ How sweet is that^^ 

Ahhhhhh :)

well i think ive bored you enough with this post sooo till next time 

Love C

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Money

Dont you hate the fact how money runs your life?

It dicates your mood just as much as weight. 

No money to go out and enjoy yourself = Bad mood

No money to buy food = Good and bad mood

Enough money to buy lots of yummy fruits and salad bits = Good mood

No money to buy your junk food = VERY BAD MOOD <3

134 this morning. 

Buuuutttttt i didnt get home untill 3.30am 

Drove from Windsor back up nooorth after a night out. 

(well the guy im seeing is an event manager up north and down south, so went with him)

Starving hungry from only having an apple and a bag of crisps all day - I would have gone without but honestly thought i was going to pass out in the club! 

So asked them to pick me up some chicken nuggets and they didnt have any so they bought me a chicken Kebab. 

First time i have ever had one and i can safely say i will never ever EVER have one again. 

ERGH./ 

So that was about 2.30am and waking up early etc no time to digest go through my system and not enough sleep. 

So as i dont have an overdraft i have to pay for borrowing money. This month its £125.00 ONTOP of what i already owe the bank from borrowing. :( 

So i just had a binge on food. Comfort food. 

But not i feel fat urgh and just really want to climb into a big ball in bed. 

I dont get it, the number says i should be skinny but im not! 

I need to do what i did at the beginning of August that got me down from 142 to 132. 

SF Red bull and Apples for lunch and salad for dinner. EVERY day with exercise. 

I want to be 125 or lower. i need to be skinny. i need to have an unexpected picture taken and actually look good any angle!

On the pluss not. Fit a size 8 dont I! Shame i dont look it.

-Love C

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Remember me - Life Update

133.fuck knows lbs

So I know ive dissapeard for a bit, but im just really busy. 

My weight has stayed at 133 for ages. Either my scales are broken or im stuck in some stupid plateau but im planning on getting out of it this week. 

Im seeing all these pictures of me and im just seeing fat plumpy urgh girl. 

I need to be 125lbs now. I need to get there 3lbs is not going to make the difference so i need to get to my UGW. 

So thats me above on the far right. 

BEING SOAKED IN CHAMPAGNE. 

Who says im not having a good time? 

Im loving life, its jsut turned into a massive party after rich and ive met an AMAZING guy :) 

He makes me happy. Hes nothing like R. 

Hes younger (not 27years old - actually my age!)

he is compatable with me, and we have such a good time. Actually him in the above picture coating me in champagne...Think thats a hobby of his covering me in a alcohol haha. 

Ill try and keep you all updated as much as i can. 

Plan for today. SF Relentless and Apples <3

Hope your all well?

-Love C

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