Such a terrible blogger

So the main reason ive been so bad at blogging is that i put on 3lbs over the weekend and ive been trying desperatly to loose it all. 

Currently at 139.4lbs

I will get lower. 

I dont understand how i didnt loose more weight. 

1 hour at the gym and then an hour step class. 

My thighs were burning. 

how did i loose 0.2lbs? 

Ive been down to 136lbs therfore i know my body can get to it. 

All ive eaten today is soup:125kcals. 

Im not planning on eating much more. 

Perhaps some fruit after the gym and before legs bums and tums. 

Other than that nothing. 

Thinking of taking a laxi before LBT and so for tomorrow morning it will all flow out. 

Last time i took it before bed it didnt kick in untill the middle of the next day. perhaps i need to take more than 2. 

Ill try 3. Whats the harm?

i cant believe ive put all the weight back on.

I have to go out clubbing on saturday as a old friend is leaving to go do a season abroad for the summer. I was discussing with a friend that i dont want to go because i hate the hangovers. She mentioned that I never used to get hangovers because i used to vomit at the end of the night wether i needed to or not. because i hated the feeling of going to sleep drunk. 

Why did i stop doing that? sounds like a great habbit to get back into. Drink alcohol have my chips then when i get home lean over the toilet and let it all come out. I could do it in the street straight after food if i wanted to infront of all my friends. Nobody would suspect a thing! Even at home in the privacy of my own toilet, i wont have to worry about putting the shower on to mask the noise of my choking while i slide my fingers further down my throat. I can simply say, i feel really ill but its not working, im going to make myself sick and they will smile and accept it and not think anything of it! 

If i do that i dont need to make sure i have a slice of bread of something before i drink to line my stomach. I can leave it empty and just vomit the whole night every time i feel im getting just a bit too drunk. 

Maybe i wont even drink that much as the alcohol will hit my empty stomach harshly making one drink tip me into drunk. 

Sorry for all of this talk. I just dont know anymore. 

The scales arent moving much anymore, im not noticing a difference in my body.

I need to see something change. if my weight doesnt move why arnt i seeing toning going on on my belly or legs?

Why is there just no difference. 

Ahhh im going to stop now as im rambling and making bad reading. 

Sorry. 

-C