Whats happend to me

I just cant seem to do anything right. 

Scales are showing a higher number today. 

i stress/anger ate late last night. 

I feel that ever since i had the stomache flu everything has been different. I havent been purging which is deffintily a good thing. I guess the fact that i had 7 hours of constant vomiting kind of put me off it. 

idk, you know when you have something every single day that your mind just doesnt want it anymore and however much you think about it your body doesnt crave it. Well thats what its like. 

It feels like that stomach flu has done that with the purging and the restricting. I find it so hard. 

I used to look at my belly and HATE myself and if i was hungry id say no and be able to walk past food. 

I did that today i said no im not hungry anymore. Walked past the food and took a handfull of savoury bites. 

i need to clamp down. Why am i finding it so difficult latley. I thought my motivation was back yesterday....Looks like it isnt. 

still going to the gym everyday which is good, but it doesnt really help when your weight is still creaping up because im eating so much. 

Atleast im not 140+ 

 still in the 130's JUST!

Todays intake so far:

3 handfulls of savoury bites : 150cals

Tomato soup: 125cals

Clementine: 35 cals

Going to the cinema tonight. So im going to try and have another bowl of soup after the gym so im not starving ... lie in bed and not think about food or have any savoury bites. and then i dont want popcorn but R always seems to be forcing me to eat and i guess hes a reason why ive been so bad in a way. Me not wanting to worry him therfore i eat all the time with him. and its junk food most of the time. 

so if i stick with my plan i will have consumed approx : 685cals 

125 - soup 

250 - small popcorn

At the gym i usually burn 380 odd calories.... need to start doing some sit ups. My belly is getting humungous.

Its very depressing!

Stay Strong 

-C