Dizziness

This evening i have had cigerette's thrown at my by my brother, all his as he knows i cant afford them.

Luckily i had already made my dinner, a mear 200cal meal mentioned in the previous post. But falling asleep while watching a film i was woken with a horrible dizziness that made me feel like i was going to pass out. Drank a ton of water, but that wasnt helping. My throat was still dry and i still felt horrible! So i ripped off a TINY corner of a piece of ham which made it go away. But i just cant seem to shake the dry mouth and thirst - Just going to sleep it off and hope for the best tomorrow.

154lbs and dropping.

Found myself addicted to these blogs, phonese with internet are a genious idea...whenever i think of food, i come onto my blog and search. hunger then goes away.

Ill get thin if it's the last thing i do!

Cant believe i ever let myself get up to this weight, yes i enjoyed for a while the 32FF bra size, Loved the attention i got at first, but now, when a guy stares at me too long i think there not just staring at my boobs, there thinking 'she only has them because shes fat'

Been trying to think back to what started this or what even started it the first time. I know what stopping me and made me binge and binge to get to the weight i am now in 2 years. That one girl in school for all the time i knew her she would say behind my back 'she's soo thin, its disgusting why doesnt she just kill herself so we dont have to stare at her' It sent me into overdrive, couldnt be perfect for anyone, who do i want to please more? Myself or others? Decided a compromise to put on only a few pounds. That summer i saw her, she had changed her tone - 'she's so f**king fat now why doesnt she just kill herself so that we dont have to gauge our eyes out to erase that image'.

Is it weird that i rememeber exactly what she said? That made me give up though, went into depression, binging, self harm. and here we are today, Back at square one. But stonger, Im not in school anymore. I know what i want and what i want is to be thin and perfect. I dont care what anybody else says. Im going to do what will make me a happier person instead of wearing baggy clothing and hating myself when my friends go out in tiny shorts with there perfect legs.

I'll be joining them soon! Then they can be the ones who are jealous.


Thanks for reading x